< 15 > The Next Chapter

We've been to Winnipeg twice since I stopped writing and I've thought about making blog post several times, including last “New Year”. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't, but I will say that 2023 threw me for a loop.

We were in a real financial hole that we’re finally digging ourselves out of; I had started my business in October 2021 but had so much to learn I spent most of 2022 trying and failing. I was finally figuring things out when I conceived Juniper and let it all go. 

It's funny really, how the universe (or God) will give us more than we think we can handle. I went from finding a rhythm with Riven, figuring out this whole entrepreneur thing, getting our garden finally growing and BAM: complete exhaustion, 24/7 nausea and the HEAT(!!!). I spent my entire first trimester simply trying to survive (which is also how I knew she was a girl. My pregnancy with Riven was so straightforward; no nausea, no exhaustion - I built garden boxes and did heavy lifting and kept myself busy; with her all I could do was lay down. 

As I neared the end of the first trimester, we booked flights to Winnipeg for my Sister, Kira’s wedding in June! Unfortunately, I pulled my back and was bedridden for 2 weeks before leaving and had a very hard time getting comfortable on the plane - ironically, I felt better after sleeping on the airport floor (yes, we slept in LA & Vancouver, on the floor of the airport) so, now I know: sore back: lay flat. We got to Winnipeg and attended my sister's wedding - Riven was the ring bearer and I had the privilege of being her maid of Honour; it was an absolutely beautiful ceremony and the reception was so fun I had to take my pregnant ass to bed early because I tired myself out. We got to spend time with Kira and Con before they went back to Revelstoke and we focused our time seeing our families.

We'd only planned to be in Winnipeg for 6 weeks, but I'm cheeky and didn't book return flights. You see, after I had Riven, I swore I wouldn't willingly enter a hospital to give birth ever again. When I had Riven, the hospital staff were not there to provide informed consent and did things I didn't consent to and even asked Chase to consent on my behalf because they wanted me to have an epidural, even though I'd already declined it AND they had my “birth wish list”. At the end of the day, Riven and I were both fine (aside from the scab on his head from the fetal electrode monitor I didn't consent to) so I guess that's good - but it's not good enough.

This time, I was going to give birth on my terms, even if that meant without medical providers (obviously if I had any complications we'd have gone in, but I digress) because I was hell bent on having a physiological birth. We had spoken to a traditional midwife in CR who was trained in the states and would charge 3kUSD to be present. To register our baby, we would have had to go into the hospital with our newborn, and with the potential for them to take our baby for “testing” because this country is not fond of home births. We had several plans, how to navigate the system here and ultimately, none of them sat right with me. I was unsure how to proceed and felt helpless, bringing me to say “F it, she just won't get registered then”.

When we got to Winnipeg, I called my old midwife, just to see. It's not common for someone entering their third trimester to be doing a midwifery intake but there we were. “I'm sorry,” she said “I'm about to go on a academic leave. We are having a Manitoba wide midwifery meeting today though, so I'll see if someone has a spot for you!” I can't even tell you how relieved I was. Our 6 week stay in Winnipeg had just turned into a 6 month stay (though I hadn't admitted it to myself or anyone else yet…)

We arrived mid June and I was due mid October, so it didn't make any sense to go back to Costa Rica in between. Chase worked from the office in Winnipeg, Riven and I spent the summer outdoors with friends and family; in back yards and at the lake! It was absolutely perfect. In July we went to Folk Fest, in August I was 30 weeks pregnant on my 30th birthday, and took myself to one of my favourite bands as a gist to myself! A lovely friend of mine, Carly, organized a Blessing way for me (like a shower but for Momma!) and Juniper made her grand entrance in October. Riven had lots of 'firsts' during out trip: first lake boat ride, first carnival, first snow! He had a lovely time visiting with our friends and making friends of his own and making memories with family and meeting his cousins.

I felt what I could only describe as “gas pain” really low in my abdomen and it would come and go throughout the night on October 15th. I barely slept and recounted everything I ate that day, wondering why I felt like this and “why does it keep coming and going?” (...duh, they were contractions) so that Sunday I spent the day on the couch and in bed, resting. Sunday night, the sensations continued infrequently and by Monday morning, they were every 2 hours. We decided to go to Costco, October 16th and after walking half way through the store, my contractions were 20 minutes apart. On the way home, we stopped at my chiropractor's office and I stood on the vibration plate for 10 minutes, expecting things to progress quickly.

After getting home I decided to try and nap before things picked up, but I couldn't relax so I had a bath instead. In the hour I was in the bath, they went from 8 to 6 to 4 minutes apart. I got out of the bath around 7pm and by 8:30 we were walking into the birth center to meet my midwife. They had a warm bath ready for me as we arrived and I got in it and enjoyed the warm water where I could float through each surge and feel weightless. I have no concept of time, no idea how long I was in that tub, but I knew I needed to get out because this baby needed gravity. Exiting the tub took many attempts because each movement brought on another contaction. Finally I was on all fours on the bed and requested a peanut ball for under my torso to lean on. I went from there to the wall where they have bars (like a ladder) to hold for traction. Back and forth, I'm not sure how many times. I couldn't get comfortable (ha, I was in labour…) and eventually I found myself in the deepest squat known to man, hanging off those bars on the wall. I don't even remember getting off the bed, but there I was.

At this point, my midwife was attending another Mom and her “second” came in the room and introduced herself “who's ready for a birthday party?!” she exclaimed - “I guess they think I'm close” I said to Chase - he laughed, because MAN am I primal in labour. We agreed for her to release my waters because they hadn't released on their own yet; I was getting tired and it would speed things up. As she attempted to break my water, I remember yelling for her to stop and then my entire body shifted something energetically and I felt down between my legs and there she was - I was touching her hair. I looked at Chase, so proud of myself and so excited to meet her.

5 minutes later she was in my arms. Our perfect little Juniper Ember came to us at 1:06AM on October 17, 2023; 9lbs9oz, 21” long (Riven was 10lbs, 22” long). They told me she wasn't making enough noise and wanted to take her to aspirate, so I placed my mouth over her nose and mouth, sucked the crap out of her face and spat it on the floor so I could keep her in my arms. “wow, I've never seen anyone do that before” she said. 

There it was, my redemption birth. 

Sweet Juni came home with us at 5am, 4 short hours after entering this world and we all slept together, for the first time, as a family of four.

Riven was instantly obsessed with his little sister and loves watching her, talking to her and laughing when she vocalizes. They have the sweetest bond and I can't imagine life any other way. It's funny, I swore I was done with one but now I know: he was the one I wanted but she is the one I needed.

Riven turned 3 a month and 2 days after she was born; we invited all our friends and family to come celebrate our little Turkey and had a lovely afternoon. 

We applied for her passport, booked our flights to Costa Rica and then picked up her passport the day before we left. December 2, 2023 we left Winnipeg after the most life changing “visit” and had a 24 hour layover in LA and returned “home” December 3rd.

Home… we have so many now. 

But that's a story for another day.

It's January 2nd now and it's hard to believe so much happened this year; it feels like a dream.

2024 has many more surprises for us too, I'm sure. So, I'll be back soon to share.

Xo